Everything's set up for SCA and going like clockwork. But doesn't a bad dress rehearsal make for a good opening night? Arg...
Trying to get through "Mme Bovary." I'd forgotten how bloody boring romantic literature is.
In reading Mme. Bovary, I find myself completely sympathizing with her- her boredom with everyone around her, the unchanging scenery, unchanging life. I feel like the only time I'm really happy is when I'm at school, because at least the people there are unknown and unpredictable enough to provide change and amusement. At home, at work, it's always the same-old, and I'm tired of it. I don't want predictable. I want interesting, challenging, provoking. Even playing a board game on Saturday night would be a welcome change. I'm growing to loathe routine, perhaps partly through the influence of Emma Bovary, but definitely because my life, by all accounts, is bloody boring right now. Xmas was fun, it was dynamic, fast-paced. Even Granny provided help there- you could never say Granny's boring, even if you could say she was many many other things. But now she's gone, and I'm back to the same old boring bullshit routine, listening to the same words, performing the same actions. It feels like all that, all those words I've heard before, from everyone, are so shallow and meaningless. The first time you get a bracelet or a ring from a long-lost aunt is exciting, it's something new, something only you possess, and it has value because it's rare and you can't afford to lose it. But as week by week goes by, and your damned aunt sends you the same bloody ring every bloody week, until you have 40 of them, you don't really care if you lose any or give them away- you're not counting, and they all look the same anyway. The first ring might have a marginally higher personal value to you, but the rest all look the same, day in, day out. So it is with me- it's like going to church, you hear the repetition so often it becomes meaningless. You see the altar and the tabernacle so much that they fade away into the background, completely meaningless. You find yourself saying the same words and when you really think about them, you realize they have no meaning for you either.
I can't live like that. Don't they say that boredom is more torturous than whips?
Feeling way better and very tired. I hope this is the last time I'll ever feel like this, all depressed and unimpressed. Last time I had to quit The Pill to stop feeling like this, and I don't want to do that this time- I NEED it still! :) We'll see, we'll see.
In the meantime...
Sweetie, I love you very much a lot and I'm glad you said yes. Can't wait to see you Saturday! =XXXXXXX!!!!
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
