Worried about Jaison. HIV's so hard to deal with... remember when I thought I was pregnant, all those months ago... heh. and to think... tomorrow is the echo of the day it all started. i wonder if i'll be ok. i wonder if i'll remember. i wish things were otherwise.
Well... hm. so hard. i wish back my happiness, because it was so perfect, but i am so much older now, so strong, so different. I love my independance. But I don't know how much if it's worth, if it's worth... that. i think that i'm grateful i'll never know. it's mystery i'd prefer to remain unsolved.
Revising. On the way home from class (I went), the radio was playing some song who's title i never remember, but the chorus is "I have all i waited for, and I could not ask for more..." Immediately my mind skipped to... someone. i angered- control is supreme. How dare my subconscious subvert me? Nothing happens without my permission and blessing.
Still. I yearned.
Unpermitted lapse. No point in longing for the impossible. and i don't. but it was... a pang. a sharp dig in the gut. visceral tug. you know. instinct. urge. something too fast to be moderated by intellect.
i think it must be the effect of... tomorrow. it's just on my mind. reflex or something. I've been... lucky. in all cases, on all counts. i have way more than i could have hoped to have. i have 2 amazing best friends i love to death. nothing is missing; things can only be added.
:) I guess i'm ok, aren't i? i am pretty lucky.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
