Why is it that love does that to girls like us? And some of us fight back, thrashing blindly, drowning in dependance and hating needing them... and some of us sigh, and take our last breath, and sink beneath the depths, and just live with it... and some of us don't even notice. Why don't they ever need us as much as we need them?
I had a clingy boyfriend once. My second. He terrified me. Outta my WITS. So I guess I can understand it to a certain degree...
But when you've been together for a while, when it's love... You shouldn't be surprised. We like it best when we're with you, but don't think you're doing us any favours. This is a contract, after all. I promise to give you love and devotion, caring, comfort. Why? Cuz that's what I want back. You (generic "you") give back space and fixitness and a pal to hang out with. Fun. Not what I (generic "I"- I speak for all girls who feel like me, not just all girls) need. So I beg for your time, and you get scared and recoil. I feel clingy, desperate and pathetic. You feel horrified. You pull back.
That's what love can do, oh nooooo break your heart in two and leave ya cryin'....
I tend to think of myself as naturally half a whole. I'm a couple person, I'm most comfortable when I feel like I'm filling in someone else's gaps. And then I remember Alanis Morissette- "I am not your other half, I believe that one and one make two..."
And I try to see myself that way but it just doesn't work, it's like adding salt to water, sure there's still water, there's still salt, you can tell, but it's an effort to separate them again. And one is always compromised.
And sometimes I just want to scream out "Hey man it's cool it's ok, it's fine it's fucking fine, a man is a dick is a man is a dick, is a chicken, is a dad, valium, speculum, whatever, huh? Whatever."
And sometimes I just want to show them all, the jaded bitter men-haters, exactly what they don't have.
And sometimes I just want to cry on his shoulder because I can't help anyone. There's only one of him and it's survival of the fittest baby because I'm not giving him up.
Ran into Erik today. Still kindof in shock- I didn't really think I'd ever see him again, and certainly not on... good terms. It made me realise how much closure I didn't really have. How much I missed him but didn't allow myself to miss him cuz we were too busy hating each other. Missing him on top of that would have been too weak. Too painful
Nonetheless... I missed him.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
