Much to do today, so of course I'm stalling. Got an annotated bibliography due for tomorrow, stupid anthropology. HATE IT! New classes starting Wednesday: Postmodern Film & Lit, and Contemporary Music. Schedule's nice now: class until 6pm Mondays, 12pm Tuesdays, 3pm Wednesdays, that's it! My one spare day in between, last term, was nice, but hey, now I have a 4-day weekend. Just hope I can find a better job...
Ok, so topics I've been ignoring:
Hypnotism
Was very cool. Talked to the hypnotist (who looked like Professor Kalmar, so I didn't bother to remember his name and just thought of him as Kalmar, which is presenting me with problems now), who was nice enough. Said he had a background in sociology, that he'd always used hypnotism to treat abuse, alcoholism, drug probs, etc. I'm not sure how one or two things lined up- he said he's been doing hypnotism for 30 years (he looked about 45 or 50), but said he'd got certified from PCH's own training center in Burlington, which is strange because they haven't been in Canada that long. Anyway, I'm assuming I'm missing links and I'm letting it slide. He said he'd lost 40lbs since coming to PCH (I believe that center's been open since 2000, I could be wrong) and kept it off, which is possible, I guess. He had a slight accent, possibly Slavic, I'm not sure. Anyway, so we went through all the
"housekeeping", and then we did the hypnosis. He sat me in a Lazyboy armchair (or whatever the Name[TM] is of that damned chair), with earphones and black wrap-around sunglasses, like blind people have. Inside the lenses were little lightbulbs. You put on the sunglasses and close your eyes and watch the lightbulbs flashing patterns through your eyelids. Pleasant, soothing music starts, and wave-sounds, and then the hypnotist starts talking, trying to relax you. It feels amazing, like really deep meditation, which is what it basically is. When you're really deep into it, it feels like the few seconds, right before you fall asleep, when you're body's heavy and light at the same time, and your hands are sort of numb, but you're mind's still clear. At one point he said something like "You will no longer want dead, lifeless foods" and I immediately thought of McDonald's hamburgers- you can't get much deader than those.
So, is it working? YES. When I was leaving the building with Daddy, I was feeling light, relaxed, tranquil and cheerful. Not really muzzy, but sort of... you know when you go to the dentist and get nitrous? You know when you wake up? You're not woozy or anything, but you're not absolutely sure about your alertness. Like, you want some time to readjust to your environment. I felt like that.
That was New Year's Eve, of course, so then I went over to C's, and had a good time. [On top of the Nanny Ogg Cookbook, they got me a Badz Maru calendar, a mini-gingerbread house set, incidentally I just had a dream Pepper wanted to borrow your cookie-cutters, C, and C's mom knitted me a warm beige wool scarf which was all the protection I had against Thursday morning's snow storm. Thank God.]
I noticed straight away that the hypnosis was working- I was actually thinking about the food I was eating, and not pigging out. At R's, I didn't go nuts with the spaghetti or anything, but more importantly, no sign whatsoever of my usual monthly problem. In fact, I couldn't stop laughing from Wednesday night to Friday morning, and as we all know, usually I take out my PMDD on R. Absolutely not a hint of bad temper! It was so nice! No out-of-control feelings, no anger, no irritability, no frustration. No violence, no crying. It was so unexpected and lovely, after this monthly terror that is myself, to actually be laughing the week before my Fourth Monday. So even if hypnosis doesn't lose me that much weight, it's worth the price of admission if I don't have to take Prozac for one week out of every month.
Other noticed benefits: I'm drinking more water; I'm definitely eating less, have no attraction to floppy McDonald's hamburgers, starting to crave broccoli. I'm noticing the flavour of foods more- tastes are becoming more pronounced, eating is less hurried. I'm still learning my limits - yesterday, for breakfast, I zapped some brussels sprouts in the microwave and made a wrap with some left-over chili, not much, a bit less than half a tin. Not a huge amount to eat, but something I should easily have managed. I'd finished the wrap by the time the sprouts were ready, but by then I wasn't hungry at all. Ordinarily, this wouldn't cause a prob for me- I hate leftovers, so I tend to eat whatever I make. I started on the sprouts with the full knowledge I didn't want them. Why? Because I thought hey, eating them now, fulfilling an old eating pattern, will show me exactly how much I overeat. And it did! It's taking a lot of effort, but now I'm not going "Well, normally I eat half a can of chili, so that's what I'll serve myself." Now I'm starting to just take what I want, and put the rest away. I know it doesn't sound like a dramatic change, but if you knew how ass-lazy I was, you'd be surprised.
It's been less than a week, but already I have no attraction to anything McDonalds (with the possible exception of fries, mmmmm...), donoughts, or anything "dead." That image really worked for me- dead, floppy, lifeless, killed food. Freshly cooked meat isn't "dead" in this sense, but highly processed meat is. Sandwich bread like Wonderbread is dead- killed, wrapped up, and processed.
I don't snack when I'm on the computer now, which is nearly all the time and probably explains a lot. And I'm feeling so much better about myself because I'm actually doing something that looks like it's going to work ;) Looking at the Hart House site to check out bellydancing (it's my last chance!), and Byron was telling me that if I signed up at the YMCA, he'd introduce me to a karate teacher there.... ;) NOW you see why I'm happy. I'm meditating, eating better, soon to be excercising lots. I found a bunch of my favourite 40s and 50s radio shows, the Sherlock Holmes stories, on Imesh. It's all coming together. ;)
Of course, it's now 3:46pm and I still haven't started my essay, although I've done my meditation tapes, cleaned my piercings, had lunch, and several other little things. Guess I can't stall anymore! ;) I'll ask him to put that on the next tape- anti-procrastination!
9:35pm
About a quarter done my essay. I know, I know.
Found that Level 1 bellydancing isn't being offered this term =/ Upset about that, but it'll motivate me to find something else- really starting to like the idea of going back to karate. Want to conquer that particular neurotic hurdle.
Byron said yesterday that I was the one person he knew who he thought could slit someone's throat. Wasn't too sure how to feel about that, especially considering the people Byron knows, half of whom are Hell's Angels. He said I had the brutalness to do it. It's strange, but no one's ever told me that before, even if I've often suspected myself of it. I mean, it sounds weird, but I have often wondered exactly what kind of pressure is needed to cut someone's throat (usually mine, but that's just cuz I don't hate anyone else enough - it's purely scientific curiosity, no suicidalness at all, really!) I guess it's hard to picture, to people who've never cut into their own flesh before.... but it's just one more question to me. And I know that, for example, if someone killed R, or C, or my parents, I'd go out with a knife and temporary insanity under my belt. (Actually, at The Festival, right after I ran into Dakk, I called up Byron and asked if he could do some knee-capping for me, but Byron said he didn't want to talk about it over the phone and we'd discuss it later. Pity.) I don't know... it's kind of strange when someone actually thinks about you in that capacity.... Like, you know when you find out someone's been having fantasies about you, and it kind of weirds you out cuz it's like, "Have you thought of me naked?" Eurg. Same thing here - "Have you thought of me killing someone?" How do you say that, exactly?!
Anyway. Yes, I'm still stalling ;) Found the 1st replacement ring Mirabelle gave me for the screwed up piercing, which was too tight at the time but fights just fine now, very comfortable, but still all damaged and scarred. I think I know what's up with that one, why the infection doesn't go away- I think there's a fistula under the skin, in essence, two holes. Or rather, a second branch off the main piercing, because when I was trying to put the ring in, it went straight up instead of curving. It's hard to explain, but anyway, trust me. I think there's two holes where there should be one. I don't want to go to the walk-in about it, cuz a) it's not an emergency, b) I don't think Choi knows much about piercings, and c) I'm not waiting for 3 hours anywhere! Anyway, I got the name of a "piercing positive" doctor off the BME site, so maybe I'll make an appointment for Thursday or something =p Gah. Can't keep stalling.
(Back later... ;)
Readin' too many things
Listenin' to the tape running upstairs
Thinkin' about essay =p
Most recently I was 
