i always did hate A Christmas Carol. What can i say, true TFS snob- can't admit anything as ugly as social indifference? gah. i hate capitalism. Let's go socialists!
Stalling on essays. due tomorrow.
gonna go to physics, get essay, go to bank, go to grabba's, go to interview, but right now, the most pressing is going to loo.
maybe more later. when i'm stalling again.
WELL, i'm back. still stalling. halfway thru essay #1 and it's 11:34pm. oh well. i don't really need sleep. got an interview first thing in the morning, and a staff party last thing at night :) kerry's gonna end up plastered on 1 bottle of the girly shit.
trying to line up Edgar Allan Poe's "the purloined letter" with Lacanian theory.
They just have to correct my french test but looks like i did well at the operator interview. $13/hr, working 4pm-12AM weekends. and they encourage magazine-reading and net-surfing when you're between calls. fine by me, i normally just waste weekends anyway. $200/weekend. won't be able to go to stein's anymore, that's a bit of a bummer, but i haven't much recently anyway. going sunday, john (not tom, not tom!)'s probably gonna be there.
He's my primary concern. always has been. but i want to look out for you too. you may not want my help, but frankly, who else knows as well as you do? :) relax and trust me, i won't hurt either of you. promise. i am other things than an ex...
"i'm never alone, i'm alone all the time, are you at one or do you lie, we live in a wheel where everyone steals, but when we rise it's like strawberry fields, i treated you bad, you bruised my face, couldn't love you more you've got a beautiful taste... could have been easier on you, i couldn't change tho i wanted to..."
Still. sunyata. no one can take it away- i am empty through no longer being full. you can't fill me up cuz i don't want to be. no one. well, not in the ways in which i am empty, anyway. i am so... disenchanted. casual sex is so ugly and i'm not interested. but somehow, that has stopped all my interest. in everyone. well, sexually.
let me try that again. disenchantment brings... clarity. sex is a passion, passion is unreasonable and uncontrollable (well, for some of us... ;) therefore, i have clarity and emptiness through... unpassion. hm. and disenchantment. i don't know why, but i was so disgusted by that. just by the thought being applied to me. it's true, since i've known james, my standards for myself have gone up- when i first met him i don't think i would have minded. again, decentering a "sacred symbol." of course, i was NOT flattered when mike (i know too many mikes- frat mike, the 1/2 italian-irish friend of aaron's) just figured he could get an easy lay. not at all flattered. i may not be a virgin but i still have standards.
5'4" for instance... lmao...
tired. not going to be sleeping tonight. talking to kirk right now, which is good, i miss his bitch sessions. my shoulder hurts. i want a massage.
WELL, it's 3AM and i'm halfway thru my second essay (technically i have a third, fuck that.) very, very cold. slightly tired. hungry in that "i'll throw up if i eat" kinda way... i used to go to burwash after all-nighters, and usually manage to keep down something a less tired person would beg to throw up. i miss burwash.
back to the grind... hmmm... grind... coffee.....
oh yeah. i forgot to mention- anything i put up here, it's because i WANT someone to read it. so if you think i put up "important" stuff here (as opposed to non-important stuff like on other people's pages), then it's because i'm expecting you to read it. there's another page for Really Important Stuff and you don't know it, guaranteed. i'm not a complete idiot.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
