i feel like my life is a TV show, with the theme music being bush's "glycerine"... it fits. And during the touchy-feely moments, they play Veruca Salt's "aurora." Stuff is just heaping on, one thing after another, and eroding my defences (but don't flatter yourself, pokey- i already knew. i know you better than you do. fake-fake. impress-express-repress. silly boy.) I feel like I'm a golem who walks through life, interacts by remote control, and brings back all the memories and conversations and information to her bedroom, where the tiny dwarf inside can sift through all the bullshit we both lived through today.
I saw mike today. when will the attraction stop? I'm not saying i want him back, or anything controversial like that which would land my ass in trouble, but i wish i could stop looking at him as "the person i was in love with" or "the person i used to have sex with." i don't see friend, i see remember-that-time-when-we-lined-up-for-a-ricky-martin-concert-just-for-fun-? I see the closest thing thus far to love-of-my-life, father-of-my-children. I am over it, i just... wish i could have it back.
I need to get crap out of the way so i can see tomorrow instead of staring at my own smoke-trails.
I miss my baby. I keep calling out to him, and then remembering he's dead. this isn't easy.
i forget to mention my project! IT WAS SO GOOD! Here are my notes on it. There were people coming up to me after, while i was packing up, telling me how good it was and discussing my ideas and shit. and that annoying guy (john?) in my class asked a question during the presentation, like "don't you think that everyone is, in some way, in drag?" and i didn't like him so i'm like "no, cuz then you would have to have an absolute "male" and an absolute "female" with which to compare everyone else, but i see your point NEXT QUESTION?" But he came up after class to discuss it with me, along with Rachel (who's really sweet, i really like her) and that raver chick with the labrette. even prof. urbancic, who's really touchy about sex (i did it on transsexuality as a post-modern creation), said it was great :) really happy about it. i SO rocked the casbah.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
