Exhausted (aren't I usually?) Just got back from dropping R home. Yesterday:
Went to boring class. Mostly read Pratchett, but did make perfunctory effort to take notes. Disagreed with most of it. Ran into Professor Levine from last year's Lit class on the way out, whispered I thought everyone in that class is talking out of their ass. Hurried over to meeting with Klaus (haven't really decided what to call him yet. He isn't a full professor.) Cleaned up a bit, cuz I was all sweaty. called in on Prof. Sumner, my frosh seminar "Matters of Life and Death" prof, but he wasn't there. Was hoping I could borrow material off him again, guess I gotta email him. (Just did.) Spent 15 mins looking for the right room, the Philo dept. is a maze. Eventually found it (one of those shared offices, and it turns out my last-year's philo prof, Klaus Kraay, has a cubicle there- awww, Kraay! He was cute [like a puppy.]) The previous girl was still in there, so I waited at the door, listening. She was giggling and twittering about how the course changed her life and stuff, I'm standing there with a combination of "gag me" and "yep, I feel her pain" on my face. She wanted to do her essay on Jesus and Socrates, and nearly flipped (as did my mother when this was repeated later) when Klaus suggested Jesus was a suicide. They were talking about whether or not Jesus and Socrates (somewhat similar situations, except for the God-bit with Jesus) were suicides or not. The girl, whom I couldn't see, was very fluttery and obviously flirting (the poor guy probably has to go through that every Thursday for 5 hours, with every girl. He's got charisma.) I resolved not to be anything like her out of sheer disgust (see, aren't I lucky I heard her? Or else that woulda been ME!) She eventually left, after much bowing and scraping, and I tiptoed in, not entirely certain where he was. Found him eventually, said that I'd heard the last 10 mins of their convo and that I would have said Socrates' death was a suicide when he refused to run away (in "Apologia"), but ceased being a suicide and became an execution the moment he lost the choice to leave (i.e. when lots of guards with swords gave him the hemlock to drink.) Just my POV, but he seemed to like it. Spent an embarassing 5 minutes trying to find my outline in my wonderful binder thingy, handed it over. "Wow.... this is really well done..." "Uh, no it's not. It's crap." "No but it's got a cover page and everything!" "Uhhh.... I usually get yelled at by philo profs for not having a cover page...." I apologized for choosing Kevorkian as a topic as, I was sure, half the class would do it too. The point is that I haven't done it yet. (He said that no one had, not once in the 3 years he'd taught the course, and I pointed out that blew my into line. "Which one, the one that goes 'Kevorkian is the most controversial and infamous figure of the right-to-die scene in the last years.'?" "Yeah, that one...") I could just hand over my Extended Essay, or one of my frosh HUM199Y essays (think I did non-vol. and suicide), or even my anthro essay, but that would just be boring. Anyway, I already told him all about them. Told him a LOT of things... he's a very easy person to talk to. As in, you become very revealing about yourself, because he draws you out. Talked about my project, and Kevorkian and what I know about him, and evangelists (as in, not necessarily religious, but people trying to convert others to a cause), and martyrdom. Talked about how much I hate suicide. Talked about Elliot Lake (because I found Kevorkian's mailing address, at the Thumb Correctional Facility in Michigan, near the Ontario-Michigan border, where my parents were last week; he was all excited about it because his in-laws are from Northern Ontario and he drives past "The Thumb" all the time, to Elliot Lake; told him about my parents' trip), and how the 24-hour project had affected the students (I told him about listening to my baby-tapes), and why he did it, and reading them made him tear up sometimes (awwwwww!), and why he was a masochist for assigning it every year if they made him cry. Threw philosophers at each other ("Yes but Sartre says there's no such thing as a masochist because true masochism derives pleasure from no control and as a masochist, you do control the sadist in a way!" "That's true but...")
The topic of cutting came up. He was interested in talking about it, but not interested because he didn't know about it; rather about how it affected me. I was flattered- usually non-cutters are somewhat horrified about it. Wanted to know if I'd "got it under control" (note- not that I'd stopped, but that I'd controlled it.) I told him about this entry, about the emails I get from people about it, about the people I've helped with it. About how angry I get when people are like "Look at me, I'm cutting, me me me!!" About the psychological sides, and how I explain it to people as an OCD (he thought that was cool and reasonable.) I even told him about Grad Review! He's my prof, and I told him about that! He seemed to appreciate the confidence, tho. He walked out with me, since I was the last appointment, but pulled up short when I stopped at his bookshelf- "WHOA, you guys have a goldmine here!!!" Tons of stuff, mostly Kraay's, he said. ;) Useful stuff! Good to know it's there if I need it. When I was leaving, he was like "It was really great talking to you..." This was possibly my one moment of weakness, but I rallied - "YOU TOO!!" - and took off. Frankly, I think he was secretly glad of a chick who wasn't trying to flirt with him, and actually talking to him like a human being. He suggested rescheduling an appointment when my essay's further along, and said he'd go through it with me if I finished early. "But I thought you don't read drafts?" "Not a draft, but if you finish it early, I can look through it..." I said I didn't mind him not correcting drafts because I didn't write them, and took off. ;) He was fun to talk to. Not nerve-wracking at all. If this had been second year, and I'd been single, I woulda been all "We really CONNECTED, he was so deep, we had a really deep philosophical understanding, it was the single most orgasmic experience of my LIFE!" But I'm not. And it wasn't really (hard to beat orgasms in the "orgasmic experiences" category. Also, Sex In Saranwrap rates pretty high (this is a chocolate-thing, not a sex-thing.) It was pretty cool tho, very Coffee-Shop Talk. Was oomphed (sort of like cheerfulled + enthused + pumped.) So I went to La Senza and bought underwear. Only I have to go exchange, because the C-cup bra is too small.
11:14pm
Think I was done talking? HELL NO! I just went to have a shower ;) Started a new soap, Tigertail, like the icecream. Liquorice and cinnamon and possibly something else. Feel very clean and warm, after a whole day of walking through the rain and having wet feet for 6 hours.
Met up with Michelle (eventually) after underwear shopping (got a La Senza bra and two pairs of see-through boy-cut meant-to-be-jeans undies, really comfy. Scratchy on the hands when you're pulling up your pants tho.) Hung out for a bit at The Tea (not to be confused with The Tea Room; I mean C,T/M), went to Dominion, bought stuff, went back to Michelle's, had Easy Mac for dinner with these bagel chips things (hard but good.) Met her roommate Carina, who at first glance came off as the kind bitchy sort, but she's actually really sweet. Kim showed up halfway through "Shrek," she always reminds me of Avril Lavigne. Got "Brunnied up" as Carina put it, took off. Carina's the kind of person who automatically goes to the front of the line and gets in for free, which is in fact what happened. Spent 3 hours there- there was actually some GOOD music before Rockin' Irene came on! Pumpkins and stuff! It was actually cool! Then, of course, they put the dance shite on. As the only sober one, I volunteered to stay with the bags and stuff, and for the rest of the night, either didn't feel like dancing due to crappy songs, or, if a song came on that I wanted to dance to, I couldn't find the others to babysit the crap. That was only a couple of times anyway, I hate skanky music. Kim and Carina kept trying to get me to dance, but there was always some reason I didn't want to. I love the way Kim dances, she's so fluid and confident that no matter what she does, she'll look good doing it. It's not that she's gorgeous or anything, cuz she's nothing extra-ordinary, but she just moves well. Eventually packed up around 2am, having lost Kim and having been waylaid by 2 black guys Michelle picked up (or rather, 1 guy and his friend, who kept looking down my shirt.) Took off to Pita Pit (was STARVING!), the girl who made our stuff was really twitchy. Anyway, Kim eventually called around 3am or something (we were all up, having just recently got back), some stuff about Francis, nevermind. They stuck "Shrek" on again, I had a headache and went to bed, Michelle came in 10 minutes later and started singing "The Little Mermaid." ;) Good times. Sometimes I really miss our drunken 2nd year outtings. ;) I used to drink more then...
Anyway, today involved meeting up w/ R, going to poster sale in pouring rain, buying frame to fit his Star Trek poster, buying 1 for Daddy ("Street Signs, Interpreted"), taking cab to Uptown, turning cab around and going back to poster sale (acrylic sheet on R's frame was smashed), exchanging it, getting NEW cab, going to Uptown, stopping at Taco Bell, seeing "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" (at no point are they actually versus each other, but it was a pretty good flick), going home, having dinner, dropping R home, and that's where I started this entry, 2 hours ago! ;) Cyclical world, ain't it? Got First Aid training tomorrow, so going to bed NOW!
Readin' can't remember
Listenin' to "Gravity of Love" (Enigma)
Thinkin' about Sleeping!
Most recently I was 
