Strange new world indeed. I'm happy.
Walking back from Harvey's today (got work-Matt's lunch too, and because I go there a lot and also because they thought I wanted 4 burgers instead of 3 [for Matt, not me], they gave me a free burger, which I just passed on to him anyway because damn those Big Harv's are good), and I was looking up at the sky, that kind of bluey-green before the sky goes black, and I felt like I used to back in level 4, briefly for a few weeks- that total widening of horizons and newness and happiness and excitedness about the future. That "I'm getting smarter" feeling. And "I'm getting wiser." A large chunk of this was seeing "Matrix Reloaded" last night (for the record, Keanu Reeves could do me up the ass as long as he wore those sunglasses and the coat first. My GOD that sex scene was hot. Fucking Carrie-Anne-I-Look-Like-A-Man-Moss), but the rest was pure joy, the total exuberance I felt at being in love.
Don't get me wrong, I love R very much, and talking with Jay last night gave me a few new insights into our relationship too, but we have been dating for 2.5 years, and it's quite a while, and they say that the honeymoon phase lasts only 3 months. But that's what this felt like today- the total high you get from being in love, and being excited you know you are, and happy it's reciprocated, and thankful things can only get better, and horny as hell (again, mostly due to Matrix last night, but also due to busy and inconvenient schedules for the last 2 weeks.)
Also happy because I've come to a knowledge-emotion impass with myself, regarding my friends, and had it purified and refined through Jamie's eyes, and contrary to reason, encountering aporia has set me free.
Back to Jamie-related insights, the 4th reason I was feeling all wise and expanded last night. Met up for coffee with Jay last night, before she heads off to China, and we talked solidly for an hour or so. And as usual, Jay's strong, simple, pure Weltanschauung let me clear my head, and let me think instead of just feel. And one of the things brought up is my long-held belief that as soon as you make something into a romantic relationship, you put an automatic time limit on it. Not predetermined, but a finite time-span, for 99% of the people you might date. But for a friendship, there is no such time limit- you meet someone in school, say, and you can go on being friends until the day you die- there's no reason it should be short-lived or ill-fated, unless you want it to be. And THEN I realized why I've never felt this relationship-angst with R (or at least, not for more than an hour at a time, a week or so after we'd met)- we've always been really good friends as well as Lovers (however you want to take that word), so we have the duality of having something stronger than a mere relationship- we have a non-time-limited quality, and a whole level of communication which isn't restricted to Lovers' Channel Only, so a whole range of topics and bonds cement us together. I honestly believe that if, by some obscure twist of fate, we were to break up, we would soon be best friends again (assuming, of course, that I turned lesbian and he turned gay; I'm not that charitable.) And that's why I've always felt so secure with R- I've never been afraid I was on a finite, soon-to-end joyride of a romance. I've never felt the music has to end.
Strangely, I feel like I understand everything
(and now I can die)
I suddenly understand Nina Gordon, too.
He gives me everything he's got
And he's got everything
He calls me on the phone a lot
He's got a special ring
And he really loves me
Sweethearts and turtledoves me
Now I know the meaning of the world
I am the girl, and he is the guy
I never dared to be simple and wise
Surprise, surprise!
He opened up my eyes
I understand everything
And now I can die
Readin' World of Wonders, Last Hero
Listenin' to computers
Thinkin' about ;) actually being joyful, for once. :)
Most recently I was 
