Um. Well, like I just explained to Chriss, "I'm proud of myself, I've scaled down from 'guy with 3 kids and possible fiancee' to 'guy with girlfriend'..." Um. Right. Scott. (I am SO over Brent, he's a dick, I don't date dicks. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... I don't date guys who start out dicklike.) Um. Anyway? Yeah, Scott... only he's funny and sweet cuz he slept on the floor next to the couch where his girlfriend was sleeping... uhhh... yeah... her... =( eh, it's just a phase, I'm in love with James Black too (YAY JAMES!!!)
Speaking of guys with 3 kids and fiancees, I was thinking about Marcus today... You know, when I went back to the college once, end of the summer, the movers were there, Pat and PJ and everyone except Marcus. His little brother was there... and the guys were teasing me going "Marcus isn't here" and "hey, *little brother's name*, this girl knew Marcus... like, KNEW him..." and the poor kid (under 21, that's all I know, looked around 18 or 19, HUGE guy, 6'5" easily) just didn't get why they kept pushing "knew", maybe there was something wrong with him, I dunno, but anyway, I was going like "yeah, I KNEW him... like, BIBLICALLY" just for laughs and I hear one of the guys muttering "I knew it!!" and I'm like "WHOA BACK THE TROLLEY UP!!" And every time they saw me after that they're like "still looking for him? Damn woman, we told you he isn't here!" I felt so bad about that I never told anyone, cuz you know, I really did have a thing for that guy, even if it did only last 3 days... I was in fucking agony about him tho, I cried a whole night... last few times I saw him he was a dick tho, so I blew him off. But damn. You know, I wrote a poem that was sort of directed at him, and carried it around in my wallet so that if I should ever drop dead, and he went thru my wallet (God knows why...), he'd know? Wasn't really a poem, so much as a monologue... well, I just found it, so here. Bear in mind that when I'm obsessive, I'm the perfect example of teen angst...
I feel like I love you, but I can't. I can't possibly. You are the walking contradiction of everything I search for. In my mind, of course. Outside, I take whatever I get. But I'll never get you. You're on a pedestal miles above me; your pain, your experiences, elevate you to the status of a god. I'll never be able to reach you. And I'll never be able to get through to you, either. Our differences separate us as much as they attract me to you. I don't think I'll ever understand it. Just, promise me that, as you go on with your life, working at your job, playing with your daughters, fighting your battles, you'll sometimes wonder if, in secret, in shadows and in dreams, I ever loved you. I promise I will.
Hm. Tragic, isn't it? Man... we were physically close, too, used to get hugs and give back massages and everything... That's prolly what did it... Scotty was over here today, and he had on the same cologne as Marcus used to wear, and I flipped out... Maybe that's why I'm all attracted to him now, memories of Marcus... oh whatever, I was pretty screwed up then, getting back to my cynical phase again... "I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain, to see for certain, what I thought I knew, and in the east, the dawn was breaking, and the world was waking, anyone will do..." *lol* ;) yeah, well, I got a lot of free time now, and girls can't quite spend it the same way guys can, our hands aren't so strong... SORRY, SORRY, bad taste... ;) later.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
