Feeling discorporated, unreal. Kirk told Mike that he should just talk to me, to tell me it's over and he's not interested. As if I didn't know. I'm the one who ended it. And I wasn't interested in getting back together, tho apparently I've been sending "signals." Like the letter. Dumb fucks, there's a difference between loving someone and being in love. I love him dearly, I'm not in love with him. I will always love him, will always be there for him, no matter what. I never want to have sex with him again. Why don't boys get that?
There's a police helicopter buzzing outside my house, searching for at least 3 female supects who might be connected with the possible torture of another girl. I know this because I'm the one who called the cops. I was in the park, on the swings, angry at Kirk for assuming the power to call the shots in my life, angry at Mike for thinking I wanted to get back together with him when I've told him I don't, angry at them both for not knowing the difference between the kinds of love... and I hear voices arguing over the sound of my earphones. I took one out- don't like being taken unawares. Couldn't hear what they were saying, but they sounded angry. But earphones back in- no need to eavesdrop if I can't even hear the exchange. Voices get louder. Take out earphones again. Here someone sobbing "No, please, no..." and at least 2, maybe 3 other people laugh. Freak out, get off swing, walk across park to road, call Red, flip out, blade home. Call cops. Within 10 mins there are 2 cops at my door and a copter gridding our neighbourhood with infrared shit and searchlights and other cops in the ravine. THIS IS ROSEDALE! THAT SHIT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE! But apparently it does. It just did.
I've felt like throwing up ever since. My ear hurts. I'm angry. Wolfed down a peach like I hadn't eaten for days- guess food really does sooth you. Feel like I'm in shock. If James had been here, I would have begged him to meet me somewhere. But he's not dammit, and neither's Chriss, and Jessi's out and red just thought it was cool when i told her BUT IT'S FUCKING NOT IT'S FUCKING REAL PEOPLE HERE WITH A REAL GODDAMN HELICOPTER OUTSIDE MY WINDOW FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! I want james here now, i want a hug, i want to cry, i want to be told it's ok and it will all go away and they can't take anything from me if I don't let them and i'm loved and safe... always safe...
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
