feel helpless. after all this time, i find out mike (or at least paul) thought i had been cheating on him, back in the summer. how could dakk have not told him? i didn't, i never did. keith had bought me enough drinks to get me on the floor, after i spent a whole night drunkenly yelling about how mike didn't care about me cuz it had been 3 weeks since he'd called... and he kissed me when he left, which i totally hadn't been expecting... but that was it and i told mike about that. and that, i understood- i felt abandoned, alone, totally WORTHLESS because he couldn't even take 2 mins out of his day to send me even a frickin' virus warning or something, some sign of life... so i understood being angry and hurt and not minding all that much when keith kissed me. because i needed validation. because the person i loved so much, who even told me before he left that he knew his leaving would drive me crazy... was totally ignoring me. cuz ONCE AGAIN, work or computers or music or something wasn't just MORE IMPORTANT, which i could handle, but SUPREMELY important... so important that i was wiped from the mind.
Whatever. it was a mistake on both our parts. i'm sure if i was faced with the same situation i would have reacted exactly the same way, no matter how reasonable i was trying to be. and DAKK YOU KNEW! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL HIM?! how could you let him think all this time that i was cheating on him... i only met james the day we broke up. at stein's. (well no, i met him the last night of sanc, i only started talking to him at stein's.) james's first talk with me started with me being totally plastered and going "HI JAMES!"... it's weird, but i could see it in his eyes, like a light-switch. "What-have-we-here?" kind of look. and 5 mins later, i was sobbing my eyes out cuz i'd just put "sweet child of mine" on the juke box... and that was how james first met me. We grew quickly. I needed validation. SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS BLAMED ME FOR, YES FUCKIT. I NEEDED VALIDATION. i needed someone to say "ker, you're not ugly or worthless, i find you interesting, i find you pretty, i find you desirable." and that's what he did. very gentlemanly. holding doors open, kissing my hand. telling me i had beautiful eyes, and a beautiful smile. stuff no one had ever told me before. and what did we talk about til 3AM? mike. me questioning, me analysing, me sobbing on the phone til all hours... and he put up with it. and i rebounded like a spring because of all that attention, that kindness.
So you see, i never cheated. I loved mike with my whole heart, and james would have been the first to tell anyone so.
Don't you EVER forget how much you loved her. She was the kindest person to you when i couldn't stand you, even later she stuck up for you when i thought you were a total bastard. she is the only person who hasn't been pissed off as hell by you. you told me yourself that you had the best time of your life with her, you told too many people, no one is going to believe that you're over her. or need i remind you of a little email you sent me on jan 22... it doesn't matter. i didn't believe you then and i don't believe you now.
I dislike ending on a bad note. PINEAPPLE!
I felt like adding this cuz i thought it was both accurate and suggestive. >:) Take heed and enjoy.
Soulful, vulnerable Piscean women attract protectors like a street accident attracts gawkers. This most feminine sign of the zodiac turns out quite a few "poor, pitiful Pearls." Or at least they appear that way. In fact, they are quite aware of how to satisfy their own needs when it comes to the bedroom. Their skillful way of being both soft-edged and sex-crazed at the same time is irresistible to men.
Softness is the code word for Pisces women. Plump pillows, down comforters, even squeezable stuffed animals litter their beds. See-through chiffon wraps invite subtle caresses. Moisturized, silken skin just begs for little kisses. Paradoxically, all this is a prelude to what they really want: rough sex. During the act, they may alternate between cries of pain and cries of delight. What man could resist? Face it, Pisces is the sign of the actor/actress, but they do it so well!
>:)
Awwwww, i now have a boyfriend. :) whata cutie. sebastian. he's a 16 y/o manwhore. i love 16 y/o manwhores.
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