Diary of a Torontonian PoMoFo

Thursday, Nov. 15, 2001 - 9:45 AM

So, Ken Kesey died on Saturday. Those of you who have known me since grade 6 might recall my obsession with the book "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," starting my whole fascination with insanity. I feel droopy, kinda of like I did when Douglas Adams died. He was a good author.

Talked to Erik last night for about an hour. It was really good to hear from him, nearly like old times (well, nothing like old times, really, but you have to admit- there's no-one quite like Erik...) Like he said, "It's weird, you're a portal into a whole different side of me." I don't think he's that to me, I don't think I've changed that much. In some respects, with having lived the high life, the booze, the boys, the yucky yucky work, I have changed a lot. But I'm still me-like. I haven't changed beyond my own recognition. For example, I'm still perfectly capable of talking with Erik. Uhh... ok, that would be hard to understand if you hadn't known our (non-existent) relationship over the last 3 years. What I mean is, I can still pick up where we left off before we were going out, like nothing's changed. He has changed tho. Not as bitter. Still funny. A lot more... wise? Is that the word? Experienced? Enlightened, nearly. A lot more intelligent.

Times change; it's not something I can stop. But sometimes I wish I could just hold on to the good parts, and let the bad parts correct themselves. There are some things I hope never change (I love you, both of you.) If we could freeze moments in time, we all would... but I do what I can...

We Do What We Can- Sheryl Crow
Downstairs they're playing Kenton
The house set to swing
I lay in my bed
And listen to everything
Cause Leo's in rare form tonight
His trombone sings so sweet
This is the room
Where they all come to meet
He said
I do what I can
I live for the moment
And that's who I am
Yeah that's who I am
And isn't it good
If we could freeze moments in time
We all would
But I do what I can
I do what I can
Downstairs he's playing Kenton
The Magnavox sighs
But oh how the music has changed
In all of our lives
He says "Nobody listens
To modern jazz"
And "I'll never have what those guys have"
He says
I do what I can
I work for a living
And that's who I am
Yeah that's who I am
And it's good to be alive
But everything's different since Leo died
I do what I can
Is this the end of the modern world
What could it mean for a young girl
Who sees the pain on his face
He does what he can
The procession on the TV screen
What could it possibly mean for a man
Who's come this far just to turn around
Could there still be life in Kenton's swing
With the Kennedys gone and everything
Those sad rows of houses with their optimistic colors
Democrat granddads and draft-dodging brothers
Riots down the street and discontented mothers
We do what we can
Downstairs it's quiet
Less alive somehow
Somehow he was everything that I am now
And he says
I do what I can
I work for a living
And that's who I am
And that's who I am
But it's good to be alive
And these are the choices
We make to survive
You do what you can...

Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about

Back - Forth

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