...stroking the silk of his thighs...
Reading QS and I stopped short at this description. Usually you see "stroking the silk of her thighs." How odd to see it refer to a man. I wonder what it ultimately means then... to see a man so beautiful as a woman. I mean... sure, I enjoy men in the aesthetic sense (except for the willy-bit, men have beautiful lines... then you get down there and you just can't take it seriously anymore.) But to see a man as beautiful, as pretty-beautiful... well that's gotta be something. I've seen guys before who are so pretty they've made me want to cry, sure, and usually they're gay. Claire's Brendan, some guys on the subway. And sometimes, yeah, they are pretty boys. But woman-beautiful...?
I think I first experienced that trans-sex feeling at Tango. The blonde butch-girl (guess that doesn't narrow it down?) She radiated man-ness. It was like being near Mike Manni. And I was surprised, because it was a strange feeling, that this girl was more masculine than some of the guys I knew. Like how most girls feel when they first see Boys Don't Cry- "damn she makes a good man..." and then start falling... I know a lot of girls who were forced to question their sexuality because of that movie. Hilary Swank is made to look like a man, and you fall for her- does that make you gay? Bi? The victim of good movie directing? And when QS talks about his man in womanly ways, well... is he really wanting a woman? If you've ever read Queerscribbles, you know that QS has ALWAYS been gay. But is there something in homosexuality that makes you sound straight? Maybe it's a language issue, maybe these "straight sounds" are built into the language, because there's no word for "beautiful as a man," and so you use words like "pretty," and "effeminate," and "silky," because you don't have the man-words for it. Interesting idea, that language betrays homosexuality into heterosexuality...
To tell the truth, I'm stalling. I'm babbling. Some guy came up to me in the library today and told me his friend thought I was cute. I told him I was married (sorry sweetie.) He told his friend in Spanish, he's friend said "Yeah right", I said it was true... Feeling disgruntled and off-balance, because they're sitting 2 rows in front of me facing me =/ arg. Anyway....
12:47pm
MY COUSIN LOZ IS THE CUTEST THING ON EARTH! He really is. I TOTALLY wish he lived here so I could set him up with everyone I know. He's the COOLEST cousin (on a par with Jenny, anyway) And his email -- [email protected] -- AWWWWWWWW!!! Dude, he rocks... and he's putting out a demo tape... awwww... DAMN he's cool!
Fuckin' hate my diary, fuckin' hate these annoying girly colours, fuckin' hate how it looks so fuckin' un-me. HATE IT! F-U-C-K-I-N-G-H-A-T-E-I-T. Any fucking halfwit could see how fucking fake it is.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
