R's sleeping, so I got up and had breakfast, mousey-quiet, by myself :) Annoyed that he doesn't have a floppy drive, cuz I can't read Pratchett, but I've got "Wizard of Earthsea" in his room, guess I can go back to that. I'm glad I'm back to getting up early-ish (read: before 10am) on the weekends- all this extra sleeping has really been worrying me.
We spent the day yesterday TOTALLY vegging- watching TV all day, eating freezies, makin' wit da whoopie. :) Very relaxing. Watched a Bond flick (forgotten which one, but it was funny), and then Austin Powers (1&2, I had to go to bed before the second one ended, had a headache.) Goin' home early today, Daddy's taking me out drivin' :) YAY!
Very happy. R starts his new job tomorrow, and looks super-ass swanky in his new BRIGHT BLUE dress shirt and tie and pants. My scraped elbow (I had a bad day Thursday, wiped out crossing the street) is healing and isn't hurting like it did yesterday, and my piercings are WAY better. No more headache, and it's a beautiful day outside, with tweeting birds :) Everything's balanced. I can't WAIT for next year- did I mention I got permission for "Life & Death"? :) YAY! Taught by Prof. Jahn, who's supposed to be fantastic. And I ended up choosing Continental Philosophy After WW2 instead of Language and Philo, which makes me schedule oh-so-much-sweeter (still got the same days off), and is taught by Prof. Comay, who's supposed to be ok. Anyway, I've done a lot of Post-WW2 philo- Derrida, Habermas, Sartre, de Beauvoir, all that Bourdieu and Lacan stuff (yay!)- it's ALL semiotics baby! :) And I'm getting so excited about Pop Culture- with Danesi, it'll be a GREAT course! :)
Making first $500 cheque to Mum today, for fees. Feels good to get that out of the way, or start to, anyway. Gotta find me a term-time job, too. :)
Things are looking up... :)
And now I'm gonna go back to bed with a couple of freezies and wake R up. In a good way, o'course. :)
7:56pm
Back home. Daddy said I was a good driver- rare praise indeed, considering Daddy was part of that super-good driver's merit organization, in England, same one as Steve was. And he was barely gripping the side of the car at all :) I think I did ok, but fully prepared for (and deserving of, after all these years) a 2-year ribbing of my driving from Chriss. :) BTW, waiting to get Amelie 'til next friday- interested? DVD...
Daddy apparently thought my black thong was an eye-patch.
:) GTG, dinner :)
10:34pm
I'm amused. Mostly by the net-speak.
11:49pm
Storm's still raging. An hour ago it was scary, the whole sky flashing green and red. Red! Is lightning supposed to do that?
Been thinking about my past (talking with Michelle does that...) All the guys, all the good times with friends... In a way, it's like reading an old book- some bits ya hate, some bits ya love, some bits ya cry over, and you get a little more perspective, a little more insight, every time you think about it.
Was thinking about highschool- how much fun I had, how I fitted into it, how it was so comfortable- I knew everyone, everyone knew me, I got hugs from level 2s and level 5s alike, I could even cry on Resham's shoulder... For some reason, that distinction meant a lot to me. Resham and I never hung out (tho she always asked for the carrots my Dad gave me for lunch, and went rooting through my bag when I wasn't around; I never minded), but yet, I could cry on her shoulder. I wonder why. But I'm glad I could. Maybe it's time to crack open the yearbooks again?
Thinking about Chriss, in highschool, and how exciting she made everything- no drudgery, no greys, never. Two things will always stay with me- that she got her driver's licence on my birthday, and got mad when it showed "March 14th" instead; and that, that time when Larry nearly walked off the school roof, and I was in shock, and started crying in front of out English class, C started crying because I was upset. Larry could never understand that kind of empathy... but it always blew me away. Was I ever that kind?
Was thinking about Larry, and how intense we were, and how we essentially burned out. First True Love, guess it happens some way or another. Best memories: when he first told me he loved me, when I was sitting on the kitchen floor, making my Halloween costume out of chicken-wire and kept hurting myself with it; sitting on his lap on Valentine's Day, downstairs, in front of the fire, nearly falling asleep; how he used to pick me up and swing me around like a little kid, in the hallways, at school. Like I was the best thing in the world. Like he was always glad to see me. I like remembering good things about people, it makes me think it was all worthwhile :) Hey, I learned...
Thinking about all the others, the boyfriends, the potentials that never quite happened (the ones I regret the most), wondering where they've gone, what went wrong. Not wondering that hard, really, but I am curious- right now, right here, in this moment, I wish them well. Maybe because I finally can.
As I told Rick, last fight, forgiving you has never been an option. It's always been "to the death"...
Maybe I can afford to be generous, now that I have so much.
This is the first time in my life when I'm not striving. Or rather, I'm not struggling forward. It's not a struggle anymore. I'm exactly where I want to be- maybe not as much money as I want, but more love than I ever thought I'd have. I'm looking foward to the future, but not trying to hold on tightly to sand grains. I don't need to grasp anymore. I'd like to live with Loz for a while, if he came down here. I'd like to get an apartment with some cats and some birds and some fish (mini sharks), lots of plants, lots of light, just by myself. I think I might even spend some nights alone :) I know He'll be there for me when I'm ready, when He's ready, and it'll all be great, but between then and now, I have time. :)
Readin' Rick's Interview
Listenin' to R's computer humming
Thinkin' about freezies :) White ones. :)
Most recently I was 
