=/ R's got a sore throat and he sounds all sick and pained and weak, and it hurts to hear him.... =/ makes me feel like crap.
Mum was talking this afternoon about how much she takes the troubles of the OCAD students to heart, and how she sees me in every person who comes in, and how she could just wish all their problems away. I understand what she means, when it comes to R... and I'm afraid maybe this is the wrong job for her, simply because she does feel for them so much. Arg. I can't think anymore.
9:29pm
Cramps are bugging me (4th Monday, after all...) Not the only thing....
I'm a snob. I've never had a prob acknowledging that- TFS doesn't exactly breed for modesty. I'm also unforgiving- countless exes and old best friends can testify to that. And I hold grudges like nobody's business- Paul, Erik, Dakk, possibly Larry (tho he wouldn't; perhaps I should give him the respect of calling him Laurent again...) could all back me up on that.
And therefore, it seems trivial (but not out of character) for me to resent doing my Ethics homework. The last assignment we had to hand in, 2 weeks ago, fell on the same day I had a test in semiotics, so I didn't labour over it for hours. There were 3 hours in that paper, which isn't bad- he said we could do it in one- but I was doing other things at the time too. The POINT is that, while I didn't get a HORRIBLE mark, I didn't get the mark I wanted. In highschool, or even up 'til last year, I would have shrugged and forgotten about it. But we all know how sexy ethics prof flustered me badly until recently, and how I helped him out with HTML stuff (unacknowledged), and did a good proposal, early, and got a great comment on my death project. He knows me by name and sight. And last week, during class, he was talking about the boredom of immortality ("Unamuno"?), and I had been thinking about "Gulliver's Travels", because there's something in there about a race of immortal people who are practically vegetables; also thinking of Julian Barnes' "The Dream" in "History of the World in 10.5 Chapters", which i now can't find anywhere (sure it's on my floor somewhere.) It's about a guy who goes to Heaven, and does everything one does in Heaven- goes shopping, plays golf, meets famous people and has sex. Eventually he beats every game in the world, reads every book, has sex with everyone in any number of combinations, gets bored, and "opts out"- dies off. While I was thinking about this, Klaus goes "There's this story I read years ago, a really good short story, I've written to literature profs all over North America and no one knows where it's from, I've searched for years, it's about a guy playing golf-" and I pipe up, from the back of the class, "Julian Barnes!" And naturally, he starts freaking out. "OH MY GOD!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I'VE LOOKED FOR THAT!" Continues to interrupt himself during class to thank me. And after all that, what do I get on my homework? B-. Not horrible, not good. ANGRY. Granted, I apparently totally missed the point of the excercise, which was supposed to be consent, as opposed to euthanasia, which I thought- BUT THEY WERE BOTH PERFECTLY VALID!!! =p made me so angry... Anyway. So I'm holding a grudge. I've laid myself open to him, worked hard, done the readings, tried to help out his feeble and pathetic attempts at HTML, and he gives me a crappy mark. That is NOT how it's supposed to work. (This is me being self-righteous here.) So anyway, ticked off and affronted, and seriously reluctant to do this stupid homework for tomorrow. Hey, I'll have lots of time between classes anyway....
11:16pm
Looked up "therefore" on Dictionary.com, to check about that final "e", and it came up with the example:
I have married a wife, and therefore I can not come. --Luke xiv. 20.
I wonder what that says about the institution of marriage...?
Feeling kinda lonely and left out. C seemed busy and occupied and went to bed early. R's still playing some video game and feeling sick. Everyone's got an agenda, and I'm not in it. Sounds selfish, I know, especially when I beg out due to lack of funds, but... I don't know... feeling strangely disconnected. Probably the longest conversation I had today was with Mia, during the 2 minutes we stood side by side at the computer terminals in Pratt basement. Been pretty silent for the rest of the day. Parents aside, of course. Not looking forward to tomorrow, because it involves semiotics, which I no longer look forward to.
(I only just realized what a stupid sentence that was.)
Also wondering why I'm not applying to Humber yet- am I sure I want to go to school next year?
11:30pm
When you come right down to it, I'm afraid of doing this assignment in case I get burned again, because it felt so personal last time (it wasn't, but still.) I'm afraid of being wrong. Mum keeps telling me what a bad trait that is, but right now it's crippling me.
And I'm in a bad headspace and I feel like crying because my stomach hurts and I don't have any hugs.
Readin' nothing, just finished "World of Wonders"
Listenin' to computers buzzing
Thinkin' about my ear, going to bed, laundry, R
Most recently I was 
