Feeling fed up, resentful, restless, and tired of people's expectations. I'm rehearsing my quitting speech several times a day now, weighing the benefits of a mediocre letter of recommendation and less embarassment for R vs. the satisfaction of telling Jenn to go fuck herself. Feel like I want to just curl up with R, who doesn't have ANY expectations of me, and stay quiet for a while. Read; hide. But I can't. I have to go to this stupid Baccalaureate service thing for grads in an hour, for my parents basically, so they can be proud and click their cameras and I can be on display once again. And I can run into people I don't want to see, and make shallow small-talk, and do the "We should catch up" thing, which means about as much as "have a nice day" in McDonalds. And I'm tired and fed up and want to start working on school stuff.
5:53pm
Did the thing. Saw Wayne, that was cool, he looked good. And KM and Ol and a few other people. It was boring and embarassing. I wish we could all just get on with this, instead of having ceremony after ceremony. Why can't they just mail my diploma?
Feeling a bit strange- unexpected developments. Gina's selling the house, which means R and Matt will have to move out in June. Matt apparently wants to go to Collingwood. I was thinking, maybe we could move in together at the end of the summer, when I have some money. Now what's the plan? I need time to think and accomodate. Even if R gets a place by himself, or with a roommate... where do I fit in? "Life is what gets in the way of your plans", or whatever.
7:27pm
Am rocking the virtual Casbah. Just downloaded "Darmok", the ONE episode of ST:TNG that I CAN'T do without. And (on R's prompting), downloaded myself DivX thingy, and am now in position of a whole, perfect, complete and essential piece of my upcoming Anthro essay. Hooray for pirates!
Still ruffled about R's moving out and stuff, but letting him deal with it :) He's more competent, sane and calm than I am.
10:36pm
Cracking me up, especially #21.
Problem with Anthro essay: crappy thesis. "Language, not superior fire power, is the method of conflict resolution as adopted by the United Federation of Planets in ST:TNG." Puh-lease. But the sucky thing is, I can't think of anything better. I have to incorporate "Darmok," because it's the most language-based episode and practically cuts my workload in half. Maybe something like "Language structures embody species mentalities in TNG." Or something.
Putting my anger and fed-up-ed-ness in part down to PMS (but hey, I'm not yelling at anyone or telling anyone to fuck off, am I? No, I'm not.) But still... why does everyone suddenly seem really unreasonable?
1:43am
Trying to put off Monday Morning.
Pouring in and around the great wellspring
Of simple feeling
And I need bearings in the face of your
Cool cool fire
Walking backwards with the pounding of your voice
Makes my soul tired
And concrete is
As concrete doesn't
And voices can drown
Why should I
Why should I
Why should I
Why should I
Solidify
Make me real
So you can see me
I guess you thought
I'd hide the sun from my liquid thoughts and
Make ice for you
You thought I'd seed my clouds
With the rain of your personal dreams
I guess you thought I'd throw confetti
At your parade of lofty thoughts
I guess you thought I'd shine good morning
In some good morning Jack
Surprise
Why should I
Why should I
Why should I
Why should I
Solidify
Make me real
So you can see me
Readin' nothing
Listenin' to nothing
Thinkin' about peeing and getting dressed and shite I don't want to do
Most recently I was 
