So it's a head-cold, apparently. I'm coked to the gills!
This has really been a month of epiphanies, which I've mostly been too lazy or too busy to write out here. (And I will always be grateful to Laurent for introducing me to the word "epiphany," as well as the word "closure." HAH! I DO remember!)
The first main one concerns the horoscope that Auntie Phred had cast when I was born. My parents have refused to let me see it, on the grounds I might self-fulfil, but my mom told me that it did say I'd have 2 great loves in my life. And I know who they are: Laurent and R. It seemed a natural conclusion, if you believe in horoscopes, and also nicely symmetrical- the Alpha and the Omega, the first and last, beginning and end of my love life (yep, that's right, R's ending it ;) In more ways than one. More on this next week.) Laurent was the Great Big Start, the romantic, giddy First Love OF My Life (and incidentally, The Prince Of Darkness until I grew up and started talking to him again -- I hesitate to use so condescending a word as "quirky", but he's STILL one of the most intelligent, intriguing and genuinely original people I know.) And R, having made my acquaintance through a kind gesture (i.e. wishing me happy birthday and then listening on ICQ while I talked for 4 hours about Tweetie dying), becoming such an integral part of my existence that I honestly can't imagine my life without him. I have never met anyone so kind, been so close to anyone, trusted anyone. We just mesh well. We take care of each other well. Dean asked me last week how I was sure R is The One, and I couldn't answer, because the answer's so BIG. I'm just Sure. I've always been Sure.
Which may lead some readers (at least those who know me) to ask "But K- what about Mike?" And the answer to YOU, my friends, is, What About Mike? Mike was a great guy, and I loved him very much, end of story. I really don't know him anymore, and since everyone from that side of the tracks was apparently under the impression I totally abandoned them all or something (again- how healthy is it to hang around your ex and his new girl when you still want him, hate the person you rebounded onto, and feel like the cheapest piece of garbage on earth? Still, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...), I probably won't really get to know him again. But I'm happy with the status quo, and I hope he's happy, whatever he's doing now, and whoever he is. He was a great guy, but he just isn't a factor now. We've all changed too much for me to miss him. ;) Which is where the word "closure" comes in (or at least, where it came in 3 years ago.)
The second epiphany revolves around R. Every time something happens to us (he gets sick, I get sick, we spend a week living together, something really good happens), we get so much closer. We're already pretty "domestic," but it's odd- it really is like a shared experience brings us closer together. This has to do, a certain amount, with us not seeing each other much, despite being in the same city, and with another, private entry I wrote about The Look (the one which means "You are my whole world." Erik had it for a while, back when he was Cool Erik. Now he's Mellow Erik, and I don't know how he looks at anyone.) And I realize I'm not explaining myself very well here, but anyway, those are my two epiphanies this week: L and R were my Big Loves, and R is The One. That is all, because my cold is overtaking my sense, and my mother has just bleached her hair in this whole leopard-print pattern and she needs me to rescue her :)
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
