Festival's over and the urge is upon me. Every summer, before school, I do an informal "summing up" of how much I've grown, what I've learned over the summer, how much I've matured. My parents both said I'd matured a TON, and that I was way more street-wise (true; that's what I like about Cabbagetown- you dress like a ho, people assume you're a ho and treat you like a ho. No bullshit.) I remember how shocked my Dad was once when he was warning me about the beer store on Gerrard and Ontario street, that I should stay away from the drunks and crazy bums (I laughed and pointed out I probably knew half of them by name anyway.) And I'm not scared to walk around there by myself at night. And now that I know a bunch of Regent Park inhabitants, a) I don't think of them as "denizens" anymore, b) I'm not scared, and c) I know if I ever need anything, Khadhar and Pokey will be there for me. ;) Dey gotz mah back.
School's tomorrow. I haven't packed, or made lunch, or dug out a binder and paper. I have one anthro at Sid Smith, and the other at Vic. But I need to get this out, finish it up, closure it, so I can start something new and fresh tomorrow (even if I am going back to the BIA Wednesday.) So I think, in my typical way, I'm going to sum up how I've grown this summer:
- I've learned about my limits when it comes to jobs- I can do small amounts of physical labour, but I'm a brains person
- I can make big things happen :) I've pulled off the Festival, interviews, organizing, and I'm a DAMN FINE secretary AS WELL!
- I have anger management problems when it comes to crappy bosses and Dakk; I can, however, control myself until they're out of earshot
- That I can rarely tolerate people who don't agree with my M.O. to the point of contradicting me; it is valuable, however, to be contradicted. Sometimes.
- I hate slackers and, unlike typical Pisces, prefer to follow a job through to its finish than to leave it half-way
- I make friends easily; I get on with people well; I communicate clearly; I work well with adults and can treat them as equals, instead of bowing and scraping; I'm good at talking (I was on CFRB on Saturday morning!)
- My friends don't have to be TFS-type people: some of the best friends I made this summer are with a crazy ex-biker garbage hauler, a flaky Cabbagetown aromatherapy-hyped piercer, a Somalian Regent Park local and an ex-manure-selling Polish guy (or as Eddie prefers it, he's a "Gay Jew", because that's what everyone assumes he is first off the bat.)
- I'm capable of being inspired by individuals; today, a 56 y/o hula-hoop dancer inspired me the most, by having a wonderful personality and a dirty sense of humour. Bonita's a really spiritual, respectful, wonderful person, and I'd love to know her better.
- That my heart locket is my lucky charm and everything is always ok when I wear it.
- That the real friends stay deep down and usually come from highschool (is this something like, blood is thicker than water?) And that I don't need to talk to them to still feel the same way
- That I'm sensitive, and moody, and I cry sometimes, and that's just part of who I am. The important part is to realize that the soft balances the hard, and I can be hard and strong and tough too. It's important to cry. It's ok. Le Bon Mot: The Right Word In The Right Place; viz., there's a time for everything.
- That I do care about people's opinions, even Dakk's (well, sort of.) But that, as mah man Pratchett was been trying to tell me since "Men At Arms," personal is not the same thing as important. Just because I care about it, doesn't make an opinion important. That works both ways- the people I heard on the street, and whom Rick heard in the Ben Wicks bathroom, who were saying how great this year's festival is, are making important AND personal comments (important in that they mean something, they have positive value [denotation level, for you semiotics types], and that they mean something and have positive value TO ME [connotation level, y'all.]) Anything Dakk says might be personal, but it isn't important. And that goes for anyone else, too. Or vice versa.
- That few people will ever understand and listen to me the way Rick does
- That there is time enough
- That, strangely, I'm not a quitter
- That I have commercial value- after all, I've been offered jobs by 3 locals who have seen me at work in the past 3 weeks :) Valuable commodity
- That, can you believe it, I'm an incredibly organized person in the workplace?
- That my parents are pretty amazing people; it took me several of my friends saying, over the course of the summer, "You're parents are so cute together, can I adopt them?" for me to realize how wonderful they are and how lucky I am. Love goes deep.
- That there's a lot I still have to learn, and I've come a long way this summer in that respect
- That I need to detox from time to time- that means cleaning up the ICQ lists, the email, the desk, the files, the links... getting rid of old blood, bad blood. Dead weight. Emotional, physical, mental.
- And that I'm a BLOODY FANTASTIC proofreader!
A lot has happened this summer. Before I cut my finger, and after I cut my finger (or if you prefer, Before BIA and After BIA.) I'll be starting the first day of the last year of the first day of the rest of my life tomorrow (did that make sense to you?) This is my last year before this thing called Real Life. I'm nervous, but more than anything, I'm excited :) After Festival, school is easy.
I bought $35's worth of home-made soap today (Lush-type, only WAY better, made by one of the vendors). 15 different soaps! I showered with the sage one, I was ACTUALLY squeaky-clean, and now my face feels really soft ;) I feel pampered and non-garbage-smelling.
To everyone who cheered me on this summer, to everyone who was there for me to whine or complain or grouse at when I came home, for everyone who enjoyed the term "Grass Nazi", for everyone who left encouraging notes, or maybe merely smiled at the right time: thank you. My most deeply-felt thanks. :) I can feel deeply again. I'm real again. In real time, feeling the sensations around me. I'm deep-rooted and well-grounded. Thank you for this start into Real Life. Thank you.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
