Well, the CD got all fixed up, but I didn't burn a copy of the actual presentation onto it. I mean, I did, but it's all compiled and compressed in computer language and I have to unzip it for it to work. Which means looking like an idiot in front of the class. Not looking forward to that. Some day, I'd like to have a foolproof plan, and then I could test it properly.
Seriously want this to be over with. Want to go to Ned's, get a bagel and cream cheese, and read "Small World." Things I don't want: to do this stupid presentation. And I just went on ICQ GO (at school library) and R was leaving as I was getting on, so he didn't see me =( Get to see him tonight. It's so long away... Then again, 2 hours' time seems so long away...
9:31am
Scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared....
2:53pm
PHHHHHHHHHEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Home and dry! (Or not quite, but nevermind.) The presentation was ok, I freaked out a lot, felt like my voice was shaking the whole time, and I think Kalmar was pissed I didn't read from my notes (he wanted a typed and read presentation, strangely. "Like they do in conferences." Fuck that- my Daddy lectures all the time, he's got a lecture at York next week, and he NEVER types up his whole text.) And it was supposed to be 20 mins and I went for 40. But Wayne said it was good, and Sarah (Smurftwat) congratulated me in the women's loo at Pratt library, and she's NEVER been nice to me.... Anyway, it's done with ;) And I'm home and with a brand new package of Devil's Food cake, all waitin' for the makin'. ;) The rest of the day is smoooooooth sailin'....
9:36pm
Sometimes, I think the world's against me (hence the oft-quoted phrase, "Murphy was a Rickard.") Like, when I dyed my hair blonder 2 days ago (it was a wash-in shampoo thingy), it became just a little more red. It's amazing.
However, tonight's been a good night. I sat down, and for the first time since term started, didn't go bright red and start hyperventilating when I saw Klaus. I looked at him, and thought "yeah, he's cute, and charismatic.... but he kinda tries a bit.... R's cute.... and he doesn't try.... man R's cute..." (of course, it was ALWAYS "no contest," but I don't hyperventilate when R's around except for one or two, very specific, reasons.) But it was kinda neat, being able to look at him and think "He's cool. Game over." That and he gave a good review for my "Last 24-hour" project, combined to give me warm, fuzzy feelings about cool profs, an incidentally, hot steamy feelings about R. (Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.) The project was graded on pass/fail. And I quote:
Kerry: (an emphatic) Pass!
This was a powerful piece (particularly your eulogy). I'm interested in the motives driving you to marry. Beyond the obvious (love, etc.), you seem to 'use' the marriage to 'distract' others (and yourself?) from the fact of your impending death. This says a great deal about your concern for others & your self-sacrifice..."
[I didn't change anything.]
[I got married in my last 24 hours.]
There's also a bit where I'm talking about the difficulty of allocation in writing my will, and I said "For once, I'm not overly concerned about hurting someone's feelings. I don't have the time to tread on eggshells." and he wrote "this is quite revealing & profound..."
Is it just me or is Klaus flirting? I feel like that all the time around him, like I'm catching and possibly missinterpreting his signals. Like when he rushed to ask me to sign up for another one-on-one discussion session. And when he begged for a copy of the video and was uber-thankful when I said I'd do it. Or when we were talking for so long in the first meeting...
Anyway, it just bugs me that I'm in semiotics ("sign-reading") and I might be miss-reading the signs. He doesn't bug me now tho- C and I decided he was an un-crush, a "credit-card crush":
Chriss: Perhaps your crush expired? Mine do that.
Chriss: You think he might, maybe, possibly, probably not but you never know hitting on you?
george{f}: "crush expired" ;) i never thought of it like that.
like a credit card. crush on loan.
Chriss: Hmm....credit card crushes. Sounds a little heartless, doesn't it?
george{f}: ;) i like it.
Chriss: - Yes, I like it too.
I wouldn't ever think of him as a crush, but it probably is the best word for someone who isn't C. "Fascination" might cover it- someone who fascinates you, stimulates you (mentally!), pushes you and maybe, yes, flusters you just a little bit. Crush might be the best English word, but it isn't one, in the conventional sense. I have eyes only for R (Googliebear!), but sometimes there are people who push you to excel or stretch in different directions. Like Aaron (it's so weird, every time I write his name, I type "Assron." EVERY SINGLE TIME. Yay Freud!) A challenger. Those are the people who get me going.
Right now, tho, I'm worrying about R, if he's still at work and when he'll be back =( He had a meeting 'til 10pm, so I'm seeing him tomorrow instead. =(
Readin' "Small World" (David Lodge)
Listenin' to rustling sounds of people unpacking bags
Thinkin' about presentation =(
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