I've always felt I was a predictable person. Boring, if I must. Highly predictable.
And then, some time last year, I discovered that I have no control whatsoever over my emotions every 4 weeks. What's with that?
So I started going to a shrink, who was a twat. And I did a lot of research, and eventually came up with PMDD, Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. I get unaccountably angry, frustrated, impatient, critical and unforgiving. A bad case of the Madame Bovaries. Some symptoms come and go- sometimes I get seriously bad cramps, or, like right now, I have sleeping probs (Mum's doping me up on sleeping pills, or "herbs", as she calls them.) But I'm nearly always irritable and tunnel-visioned, not to mention elephant-memoried: I'll start dwelling on a stubbed toe from 27 days ago, and work my way forward. Everything's magnified- my usual hatred of videogames like Counterstrike, violent, bloody, stupid-I-have-a-big-stick videogames, develops to an incandescent rage; I am both easily hurt, liable to take offence at a sneeze, and brutally vicious, lashing out at anything; my sense of humour is non-existant.
Usually it takes me a while to clue in what's going on, which is dumb- I get my period at the same time, every 4th Monday, so the PMDD symptoms always happen at the same time too, usually 2-5 days before-hand. I shouldn't be surprised, but one never likes to suspect oneself of gross unsympathies. It always takes a while. Usually after damage has been done.
So: I'm sorry. If I come across as less than kind, it's probably because I translated you going to the bathroom as abandonment, or you going out with a friend as betrayal. I'm sorry for that. It's not your fault. But I can't change how I feel.
In the moment of madness
under your angry skies
you are not what you feel
this is insanity
from the shadows that darken the dance
of your angel eyes
no one, nothing is real
this is insanity...
-Tilt (maybe? Apparently?)
Readin' Erewhon (Butler)
Listenin' to "Underneath Your Clothes" (Shakira)
Thinkin' about going to bed? =(
Most recently I was 
