Sometimes I actually think my mom is a bona fide sociopath. She can carry on about "her" patients, and empathy, and understanding everyone's point of view, and then sometimes she'll just belt out something which shows not evidence of consideration for someone else's feelings. Yes, the someone else is me. But honestly: we were chatting away about copper guttering for houses, and she said "You can't have copper guttering in Scarborough." [At this point it might be worth mentioning, for you foreigners, that Scarborough, or "Scarberia", is a big and close suburb of Toronto, which Mum uses as synonymous with "tacky." As in, t-shirts with blue gingham-plaid bunny appliques and plaid sleeves that you can buy in Sears are "Scarborough." Anyway.] So I was like "Why not?" and she's like "Because face it, that's where you're going to end up living, you won't be able to afford to live anywhere else!"
I mean, what kind of thing is that to say to your daughter? "Hi, you have no future, you're never going to get anywhere." I just came from the career counsellor's! I have some plans now! Some ideas! What the FUCK is her problem?! That isn't something I'd say to someone I liked, and I probably wouldn't say it to someone I don't like, even Dakk, because everyone has potential, even if it's your father potential. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. That's such a horrible thing to say. I can udnerstand you wanting to protect your child from disappointment, and I can understand wanting to motivate your child enough for them to prove you wrong, but she does it constantly, time and again- "You know you're going to spend the rest of your life in someone's basement, right?" JESUS.
So I wrote her an email telling her how angry I was and that she was never to do that again, which I expect will cause a fuss when she reads it, but for the moment I don't care. She has some fucking nerve.
(Oh yeah- I decided to work next year and possibly apply to counselling psych, possibly, at U of T or York, in the following years. Maybe. Or maybe I'll find something I really love that I'm willing to go back to school for, after I've worked. The counsellor was right- there's no point investing time and money into educating yourself in a field you'll end up hating once you've tried it.)
9:47pm
Been doing Derrida. Got an email response:
I'm sorry about the Scarborough remark; it wasn't meant to be hurtful - more one of our regular "Scarborough" comments; however, I realised once it was out of my mouth that it was hurtful to YOU and I'm sorry about that as I wouldn't have that happen for anything in the world.
Some more stuff about how she doesn't always put me down (I can argue with that, so can this diary; perhaps it's competitive jealousy?), and how she's hurt that I always interpret her comments negatively (well how ELSE was I supposed to interpret that?!) Still, I get her point. I often do interpret her comments negatively. Because I don't often like them. I've mentioned the deep psycho-sociological divide between my mother and I before, and the fact remains that we just tend to see things from opposite sides. We're practically opposite Zodiac signs, temperament-wise: she's Leo and I'm Pisces. I know Pisces is supposed to be retiring and escapist and avoid conflict, but dammit sometimes I just won't.
Anyway, this now stands as the fourth time that she's apologized ever to me in life, so I'm not continuing with this. I wrote her back an email explaining that she did, in fact, constantly put me down, that it's a symptom of sociopathic behaviour to not remember saying mean things (on second thoughts, probably should have omitted that), and that maybe we could try to work on her delivery of any constructively critical comments. Ehn. It's the best I can do for the moment.
Readin' Erewhon (Butler)
Listenin' to kitchen noises
Thinkin' about the nasty smell of tea towels being bleached and boiled on the stove; That 70s Show in 10 mins.
Most recently I was 
