Got a giggle out of changing my TD-Canada Trust online banking name from "KERRY RICKARD" to "Yo, Bitch!" I'm QUIRKY like that.
Was reading QS's latest entry and, ignoring the Jiggly Bits, one of the things that struck me was when he said Miles was talking about what was real to him. That turn of phrase struck me, a mini-epiphany; not quite a lightning bolt, but maybe a static shock. What's real to me. You could say, That's silly, by definition everything's real to you, even dreams. And then I could say, if that's true, why does my diary turn into boring shite every couple of months? Some of the stuff I wrote when upset, or under the "malaise" effect of teenage-years or university or singledom or couplehood or Exitentialism class (heh), was MUCH better than the stuff I end up putting out now. Why? I've already speculated here that that's because my life as now is pretty much divided up by every-other-Friday-paycheque, with Seeing-Rick sprinked in between. It's complacent. (And certainly, the long nails AREN'T helping with the typing; however, they're such a novelty that it'll be some time before I decide that the writing is more important than the nails, and cut them short again.) In addition, audience makes a great deal of difference, if I'm writing for a specific reason, or to someone, as opposed to rambling about my day.
That's it tho- rambling. Just chattering away, not really processing it. Not thinking about it. I'm sure every diarist has run into the "I had something cool happen today and now I can't remember what it was" problem, but only one or two actually do something about it, viz. carry a notebook. But I hardly ever process my life now. It just happens at me.
What's real to me. Thinking abut the phrase, about what QS's Miles meant by it. Is it the same as what's relevant to me? What's important? Sort of, but subtly different- what has an extra dimension of reality, of physicality, of here-now-relevance. How I feel, really feel. What's really important, as opposed to what takes up the most space in my mind. How things are relevant, and how relevance changes- I remember once, just before Tweetie died, I was spending a long time on Neopets, and annoyed at some of the games. And then my parents told me that Twee had died at the vet, and suddenly nothing else was important. And when R and I got engaged, and it felt like the most important news of the family, but I didn't even tell Granny until January in my Xmas letter because she told US that Jenny was pregnant a few days later. How things can take up your whole world AND fall by the wayside in the same day. How your world shrinks and contracts from second to second. Right now, I'm dreading doing the Humber application sitting in front of me, but a few weeks ago I would have given my right arm to do it, since I didn't know that the colleges hadn't received my transcripts (fuck you OCAS.) What's real to me is the stuff I'll always care about, that will always matter, and it's pretty fundamental. Happiness, friends, family, love. The stuff that it feels like I can reach a hand down into my soul and grab. That makes a difference to me.
I think maybe I will cut my nails tomorrow.
12:37am
There's something insanely wrong with the world when Tina Turner looks younger than I do and, incidentally, nothing like she did 10 years ago.... Hello, nose job, lip job, cheek job, eye job....
Readin' sort of "Equal Rites". Just finished "Hybrids"
Listenin' to nothing
Thinkin' about stupid application =/
Most recently I was 
