Dear Marcus, you rock my world, you had a charismatic way about you with the women, and you got me seriously thinking about spirituality, and you wouldn't let me get away with kicking my own ass, but I could never really feel relaxed and looked around for you, and that stopped us from going any further than we did, and it's kinda too bad cuz we coulda had much more fun...
I wonder where he is now. Marcus, I mean. Maclean. I wonder if his third daughter was ever born; wonder if he has any more. Wonder if he ever thinks about me- it's weird, but in some strange way I think of him in much the same way as a one-night stand- someone who totally just rolled into my life for a short, short while, took me over, affected me and then just POOF! left. You never realize how much you affect people... but you can't let that stop you in case you end up treading on eggshells the rest of your life. STILL... the constitution says that your rights and freedoms extend to the point of someone else's rights and freedoms- does this include emotional? Why isn't it outlawed for someone to screw with you and yet they can't punch you in the face? At least a bruise goes away pretty fast; I remember how screwed up I was over Marcus... I can't believe it, in 3 days I was head over heels. In infatuation, of course. He called me Baby-blue- who was it who said recently that that suited me? James, I think.
Erik's 21. Whodathunkit?
Heh. So much bullshit.
I'm trying to apply sous-rature- reading what's thought, instead of what's said. So hard sometimes. Like, you know in singles' ads- Mature [read: "old"] SWF seeks young [read: "young enough to be my son"] SWM for romantic evenings out [read: "You're paying"] and lots of fun [read: "Honey, screw sex, you're treating my bunions."] I am average in looks [ugly], of medium-height [short], with a voluptous [fat] figure and long, blonde hair [weave]. Call me back, bad boy.
BLAH. i wish i hadn't just written that. i don't feel like sleeping now. kinda feel like going to go bug james but he hasn't been overly responsive lately (except when i needed to talk, that was good)- maybe being around Megan's making him be all macho again. Blerg. Boys suck.
Work work work. Signing up for dance on monday, and going down to CIUT to see if I can help out. I already mentioned that, didn't I? Yes, I did, damn. oh well. He's got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories, when everything was as fresh as a bright blue sky... Hm. wish i still had some of my chocolate "K" left. Thinking about mike- i just read, in "history of the world in 10 1/2 chapters", that love is what survives us. given who i was then, and who he was then, and that "us" indicated these long-lost people, then yeah, it's true, love did survive us. There's just so much i wish i could tell him, and yet so much of me (right now, 50% + 1) wants to just get him and everything about him out of my life; maybe in 10 or 15 years we could run into each other and start a new friendship, but im' just so fed up by everything, the circumstances, everything and everyone that surrounded the "Us". AHH. Hm. maybe that's why i don't hang around there anymore- it reminds me too much of us. Strange as it sounds [hm, freudian slip, i just wrote "sods"], i've never thought of that explanation before. Weird-o. Anyway, it doesn't change much, i don't have any intention of letting him back (in any form) into my life; i'm just too damned busy for anyone who isn't going to go the least out of their way to show I matter. Up to and including coming to Grabba's (where i ALWAYS am) at least once this year...
Ouch, sounding bitter again. SO don't mean to. i suppose... just fed up, as usual, with pitiful human communication. i WILL change it, dammit!! :) that's what i'm in the field FOR. :)
Who will give you sanctuary, and slay your vampires in the night, who will shelter you and be your guardian angel, if you let me darling, I will hold the candle, if you let me darling, I will be your light...
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
