Was reflecting last night on the nature of time (mostly cuz my parents only got home at 12:45am and I got up to bitch them out. Was not pleased...)
And I came to the conclusion that I'm uncomfortable with any element of my past. I like my past, my memories of people and events, to be locked inside my nice clean mental trophy case, to be taken out for yearly cleaning and inspection, but otherwise not to interfere with the life I've built up for myself. That's why I like closure that stays closed. Probably the best thing about Steve. And while it was cool, running into Erik and talking to him a couple of times, he's like me- we've moved on too far and don't want to try to start up what we had (as friends), cuz we've both changed too much. A passing "hey remember the time when..." is fine, but we don't pursue each other with it. Tho I was thinking of calling him to settle the debate btw. Chriss and I over the choice of Toby McGuire for Spidey (I think it's awesome, she doesn't.) But even that isn't a deep re-involvement with each other, or anything. Think that's what I like best about Erik, is that we're not holding bad memories against each other, and I love hearing from him, but it's not like "oh wow I haven't talked to you in 3 years so now I'm gonna call you all the time!" It makes the times I do hear from him super-cool (wonder if he has a phone yet), without wearing it out.
I guess for once, I understand why my exes usually need quite a lot of closure- we've been too close. It took 3 years to be able to talk nicely with Erik again. That was just about right. And while I sometimes wonder what's going on in his life, I'm grateful to Steve for not calling up and being all "Hey what's been happening?" because I don't know how I'd answer- but odds are I'd probably still be angry. I like my memories untainted. If they can be upgrades, polished a bit more, have a quality watermark revealed suddenly, like with Erik, that's cool. But the memory's still on a shelf and behind plexiglass. I appreciate that he's letting me keep it there.
Hey, Erik, remember those times we used to sit in front of the TV at your Mom's, eat nachos and fake cheese, and watch "Shaft"? Those were some awesome times, man...
Well Angelina, can you feel it?
Watch the angels as they're dancing up above
Angelina, what's come between us?
Could it be the magic and the mystery of love?
Thinking about censorship. While I do approve of it in certain cases (Nazis, racists, people who want to kill other people...), I don't approve of it for me. I already self-censor. My diary has become boring in the last few months, usually because what happens to me is either stuff I don't feel like sharing, or because the principle person I'm writing to here already knows it. And frankly, it's become boring cuz usually really exciting stuff only happens when I go out with Michelle (she did a great job mixing Cake with Indian music yesterday- "At first I was afraid, I was petrified- AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY..."), and I haven't been OUT out with her much in the past few months. None of the things that we used to do, which usually culminated, somewhere around 3am, in the question "How the HELL are you still alive???" And while not going out with her tends to mean I'm back in my bed (or someone's bed, at any rate ;) before 2am, it also makes life a bit more boring. Ok, a lot more. Now I get my vicarious kicks from her course syllabus incident, or the time the pigeon dive-bombed us (her), or things like the Russian National Anthem. Or was it Ukranian? No more hilarious pick-up lines ("Oh Angelina, I find you so intriguing..."; "I like animals."; "I learned how to talk to women through Maxim."; "Hi, I'm a virgin" - "I can't help you with that."; and various other classics.)
So I suppose, really, my point is that I have a choice- I can password my diary and hide my opinions, stories etc (which would be a shame, since I get several emails a month from people thanking me about the cutting page, which they would no longer have access to), or I can go on as before and let whoever wants to spearhead a movement to write nasty things or whatever they want about me. It's a free world and I wouldn't dream of censoring them. I suppose the only difference is I couldn't care less about reading them, either. I accepted long ago that I can't please everyone all the time, and that my personality and life philosophy are such that there are probably quite a lot of people who hate me (go Larry!), and like Adams says in "Must God Create The Best?", even God sometimes has to let some people slide in order for others to be happy. I'll try my best to keep my close friends smiling, but I can't worry about every little sparrow, now, can I...
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
