There's something about him that I just can't explain to other people. We match.
I know a lot of people don't really understand why we're going out- he's so un-TFS in a lot of ways. But there are just so many little things that make the whole so right. A look, the glint of an eye, the curl of a smile, the unconscious reactions... Like in "Parenthesis." The unconscious reactions show what's in our hearts.
He does so many little things, and they all add up- the sum of the parts is far, far greater than the whole. He made me breakfast in bed Saturday and Sunday (Breakfast Special!), and made dinner too, and tucked me in when I was asleep, with my blanket and all our stuffed animals, and lets me slack to a disgusting degree. He puts up with my whining, my sloth, my nagging, and he's always read with a hug and a smile. He comforts me when I'm crying, even about silly things, and humours me (in both senses.) He makes it so painful to be away from him, even for 5 days. And he's so gentle...
It's the matching that I like best tho. When we say the same thing at the same time, then say "snap!", then say "double snap!" When we have the same thoughts, and the same reactions. The way we agree about so much (A + B have convergeant paths, not identical paths... why would they grow apart?) The way we can share thoughts and feelings without feeling embarassed... So nice, for once, to be able to say anything, to not have to watch my mouth, watch my back... I trust him so very much. It's a new, unsettling and wholy enjoyable feeling. I know we might seem pedestrian and unadventurous to other people... but for some reason, my favourite thing in the world is lying in bed, curled up in his armpit. I don't know why, but I feel so safe like that. He's just one person, but he changes me. I can't explain it- I feel like my feelings constantly pour out and try to touch his. All my energy, all my love. Like a tachyon beam. Faster than light. Like a magnet, sort of.
It's the sense of belongingness, I think. It ties in to the sense of matching. Finally, I belong to someone. To the right person. I match him, I complement him, and I belong to him. I can't imagine life any other way, and I don't want to. I love him.
I know this hasn't been an interesting entry for many of you, but I've just left his house again, for another 5 days apart, and I miss him incredibly. I need to worship him here. :)
12:47am
You know what I get the most foreign hits (i.e. not friends) from? People looking up the lyrics to "Hallelujah." I've just downloaded both the Leonard Cohen version and the Jeff Buckley version, and I'm sorry people but Rufus Wainright kicks both their asses. HOWEVER, I heard a version on the season finale of "Westwing" that I didn't recognize, and that was good. It was more like Rufus than any of the others, but I don't think it was him.
Listening to something labelled "Theme to the Matrix by Enigma." Entirely possible. I love Enigma. If I had a whirlpool, I would do nothing on weekends and evenings but light some candles and incense, and listen to Engima in my whirlpool. Somehow, a shower just isn't the same.
Also playing "You Belong To Me" (Shrek Soundtrack) by Jason Wade (Lighthouse.) It makes me think of Rick, and exotic places, and lying with him in the bath with incense and candles and all (for real.) Intimacy and comfort. [Fly the ocean in a silver plane / See the jungle when it's wet with rain / Just remember, 'til you're home again / You belong to me...] What a coincidence- next song, Enigma's "Gravity of Love." My quintessential Rick song. [Have I ever even used that word before? quin�tes�sence (kwn-tsns) n. 1: (archaic) the fifth and highest element after air and earth and fire and water; was believed to be the substance composing all heavenly bodies [syn: ether] 2: the purest and most concentrated essence of something 3: the most typical example or representative of a type. Yep, fits to me ;) ]
Daddy thinks he smiles like Steve Martin. :)
I just think he's got the sincerest, most penetrating gaze you've ever seen. Sometimes, he can read my mind...
2:09am
From Me To You (And I'm Sorry About The Hickey)
Soft smiles given birth from
Kindly curves of the mouth
- The eyes -
In you, a world even
Peter Pan could never know -
How I long once more for the
barely-there-brush of lips
Against a warming cheek
(Peach fuzz is my trademark)
And the scent of musk
- Of man -
- Of love we shared mere moments before
The warm glow pooling around your neck
(Bruis�d by my many affections)
And slowing pants, growing fainter
The longer you hold me.
The depth of you
The sight and sound and scent,
Guarded for me (by me? Food for thought:
Aren't you a tasty treat!
Inedible; indelible.)
I pity those who'll never know you as I do:
They close their eyes to a radiant jewel
More brilliant than the sun.
Readin'
Listenin' to
Thinkin' about
Most recently I was 
