=/ I hate it when R's sick. I feel so helpless.
Was thinking about Thursday, when we went to go hang out with Michelle at "The Tea." At the time, sitting at a table watching R eat a giant piece of cheesecake with raspberries on, drinking coffee for the first time in a while and cursing my burnt mouth, as we waited for Michelle to finish her card game with some guys at another table (we arrived mid-game), I was very aware of Us. It was like I was watching myself chatting with R, laughing, even while I was enjoying bantering with him. One of our rare "chilling out" times- we don't go out much, and spend most fo our together time "vegging," as opposed to "hanging out." It was cool, since we were in a place I used to frequent (the French sounds better) strictly to socialize and relax- like introducing him to another part of my life he hasn't had contact with, the semi-snobby-yuppie-Hanging-Out-In-Cafes side, all the stuff I used to love about Grabba's. All the stuff we'd be doing in Europe, if we lived there- in Rome or Paris, sitting in a bistro or trattoria, chatting about inconsequential stuff, sipping lattes and munching biscotti, and name-dropping lots of other words in italics.
I also felt very aware of how we must look when Michelle finally sat down- maybe it was just me, but I thought I picked up a slightly ironic, "You guys are so married" smile on her part. And I mean hey, after nearly 2 years (1 year and 10 months, next week), that isn't really surprising, is it? While we were there, waiting for Michelle, we were discussing why we hadn't broken up yet (that sounds bad, but you probably know what I mean.) I put it down to not trying to make it a Perfect, Storybook, Let's-Talk-About-Deep-Things relationship. It's unrealistic to expect a relationship to thrive on Deep Conversations, because that isn't what life revolves around. Life revolves around paycheques, and doing the laundry, and who gets the left side of the bed, and how many bus tickets we have left, and a mutual toleration of hobbies and favourite TV shows. I'm not saying there's no place for big dreams or big Talks, but I prefer to reserve them for late at night, in the dark, side by side in bed, when there are no other distractions and you can really spin out your fantasy of wanting to be a trans-continental truck driver. Big Talks don't sustain you from day to day (tho "Man cannot live on bread alone..."), and I'm glad we never tried to make them, or we'd hate each other by now (I've been down that road...)
And I was aware of how comfy and cheerful we looked, and felt, to everyone else and to me too (after all, R had cheesecake, can't expect him to be paying attention to anything else... ;) And it reminded me that, despite my huge ass and low-paying job, and various other sundries, a lot of people have reason to envy me, and I'm really extremely lucky that I can get hugs on demand.
Readin' nothing
Listenin' to nothing
Thinkin' about bed
Most recently I was 
