;) got my reassurance alright. Mike slept over ;) I think Kristen was kinda angry... she stomped out loudly this morning, and then today she's like "WE NEED TO LAY OUT SOME GROUND RULES. I'd be happy to leave if you two..." and I'm like "NOTHING HAPPENED!!" and she gives me this "yeah whatever" look and goes "ok, was he or was he not naked?" and I'm like "HE HAD HIS UNDERWEAR ON!! KEVIN'S LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME!!" (cuz he is). ;) Um. Anyway. ;) It was fun. Jay and Rob and Kerry came over and we watched Akira and then Dangerous Liaisons and then kinda Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I still don't like. Then Jay and Kev started talking, and they talked til about 5, and we know this cuz we went to bed around 3 and were still awake for 5... >;) I know where his loyalties stand, put it that way. And I do believe he's serious. ;) Yay! Dunno, at one point he's like "I'm not scared of you anymore" (when we first met I was full Goth and I showed him all the freaky side first, to see if it would scare him off, and it didn't, but he was nervous...) so I'm like "why not?" and he's like "cuz I'm comfortable and I trust you and I think you like me and..." and thing is, I missed the rest of it cuz I perked up at the "I trust you", cuz if he honestly does, then it's all good. Seriously, all you have to have is trust and everything else falls into place, trust is the cornerstone, like they always say. Trust is admitting to someone you're vulnerable. ;) Well, to me. And when he woke up this morning, he's like "I feel happy" and I (just to be cruel to make him say it, you know what I'm like) am like "why?" and he's like "cuz I'm here with you" and it's weird, cuz Jay warned me that I was going too fast, at least the other guys I knew before, right? But you know what? I feel like I trust him. I know damn well I'm falling in love, I'm just trying to figure out my motives. And his. Like Jay said, "Do you like him for him, or because he likes you?" You know, I couldn't honestly answer that, but I think they're interconnected- you're not gonna seriously LIKE (as in, potential to love, not just have a crush on) someone who doesn't reciprocate, right? AND you like him more because he likes you. ;) "It's what they call a vicious circle." It bothers me that I can't figure this one out tho. He's a sweet guy. Which manifests itself in being sweet to me, i.e. complimenting me or being nice and all. The first night we met, when he was pissed drunk, we were talking for a while, and he's like "I think I like you", which is kinda sudden and out of the blue. There's got to be a logical form for this (A is true, B is true, A=P, B=P, so A=B kinda thing). I dunno. Hell, I'm still bugged by Andrew's "You didn't love Larry, you were emotionally attached to him" [speak of the devil, he just got online]. Even if that were true, so what? So I got "emotionally attached" to the guy. It made me act in a certain way, a way in which I considered I would if I were in love. So whether or not the content was there, the ends were, for me, the same. I mean, some people say being in love is permanent, like Celine Dion's song, right, and that if it's not forever, it's not love. I think that's an unrealistic idealisation. I mean, there are billions or personality types, not everyone can end up happily ever after. But they can still be happy SOMETIMES, even if it isn't permanent. Who's to say that it isn't love? I think there should be another term for permanent being in love. Which I don't even believe in anymore. This is Jay's whole theory of Growing Apart.
You have 2 people, call them A and (A^2)+3. Compatible. In love. But through the years, because of their different experiences, friends, backgrounds, memories, etc., A becomes A-4 and (A^2)+3 becomes B^4. No longer compatible. See? Even with the best of intentions. Like, my parents were completely in love when they got married, which they have been for 29 years now, and my mom doesn't know how much of my dad's personality he's had to subdue or change to make the marriage work. Only I know. Because he told me. Not that he's unhappy, as such, but you know, it isn't as easy as she thinks it is. ANYWAY. So that's Jay's theory of Growing Apart.
I don't know. I like being around him, he doesn't make me feel like the center of the universe, like Larry did, but he makes me feel like we've got a secret, sort of thing ;) Actually, I thought it was massively sweet, we were in Jay's room today (she and Kev were talking until 5 AM and we got all freaked this morning cuz Jay walked back to UC by herself and I called her cuz I was worried about her and pissed off at Kev for letting her walk back by herself and she wasn't in res, and she wasn't home, so we were running everywhere trying to find her and ends up she was asleep in her room) and Jay was out of the room and Kev was lying on the bed and Mike was on a chair opposite and I was on the ground between his legs, and Kev was making a crack about me being more male than female, going "She-male, she pees standing up, didn't you know Mike?" and he's like "No man, she's all woman" and Kev's like "are you sure?" and he's like "Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure..." and then he whispers to me "Damn right" ;) I just thought that was super-sweet. Not used to having bfs who defend you and shit ;) I told you he was sweet!!! Ok, I'm gonna stop blathering, get off the net and actually DO my philosophy now!! ;) YAY!!!!! ;) Ok I'll shut up now. ;)
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